D-lusion!

race

2010-02-02T17:04:00.002+08:00

Gotta write an update, to keep the blog alive! Hahaha.

Trying to tell myself I gotta blog more. It's always good to record down your thoughts somewhere. Five years later you can look back at all this and smile (or frown).

I hope the bracketed words don't apply to anyone!

Life has just been.. I don't know, normal! A bit better than normal, maybe. Been battling problems of discipline and passiveness/laziness. I find that it's always a lost battle when I rely on my own strength to fight. I win for a day or two, then fall back into it. This time, however, I'm gonna rely on the Holy Spirit.

It's great to rely on the Spirit. He's sooooo powerful. God is really the Almighty. He has power even over the iris timing of buses. He makes buses come in 3 mins, even when iris says 9! Hallelujah.

I'm serious, yknow. Relying on the Spirit makes everything seem so easy, because it is by His strength and not yours.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The Spirit is just such a beautiful person. And He's always with us. Ah.. right now I feel like my life is so great, and it's all because of God.

Hahaha. Jesus must increase, and I must decrease!

Anyway, D-lusion is really coming to pass. SOW's already at lesson 4. The vision is taking shape in reality.. watch out, world!

On a side note, haven't gone to school today and yesterday. Been feeling unwell.. I'm getting irritated with myself. Because when I tell people I'm sick, they don't really believe me. It goes to show what kind of reputation I've set for myself. I don't like it. I really gotta change it.

Hahaha I'm typing that out to motivate myself.

Security training tomorrow. I'm gonna start serving in the house of God soon!

Here's a special hi to Rictus, my first culinary aficionado friend. Can't wait to try his cooking one day, I believe he's an awesome chef! Hahaha.

Time to start picking up my pace in this race!

(Last thing: I think I'm gonna get an electric guitar in the not-so-near future. I'm starting to consider whether I want a blue-and-gold guitar or a pink one. Give me your thoughts!)

I love life :D

You'll Be In My Heart

2010-01-14T23:42:00.007+08:00

Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart

Come stop your crying

It will be all right

Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you

from all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

For one so small,

you seem so strong

My arms will hold you,

keep you safe and warm

This bond between us

Can't be broken

I will be here

Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand

the way we feel

They just don't trust

what they can't explain

I know we're different but,

deep inside us

We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

Don't listen to them

'Cause what do they know

We need each other,

to have, to hold

They'll see in time

I know

When destiny calls you

You must be strong

I may not be with you

But you've got to hold on

They'll see in time

I know

We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart

Yes, you'll be in my heart

From this day on,

Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be in my heart, always

Always

hahaha i've been falling in love with Disney songs again lately. and i love Phil Collins too! been watching youtube videos of Disney movie songs one after another. and block tests are only a week away. ahhhhh.

okay, g'night world!

2010

2010-01-01T10:55:00.002+08:00

2009's been a.. really bumpy ride. The ups went waaaay high, but the downs went really really low too. Hahaha it's been a roller coaster ride, actually!

2010.. I just want to set this train on track first. Then I'll charge on!

Happy new year everyone!

I'm gonna say goodbye to the past 18 years and 1 month of my life!

simplify

2009-12-30T02:13:00.003+08:00

It's time to simplify.

So as to amplify God.

Make decisions, then stick with them. All the way. See it through.

It's okay to be shaken, then steady yourself.

Better than let yourself stand firm, and break eventually.

Steady yourself through faith!

Faith's been set.

Mind knows what to do.

Heart knows what to seek.

Even if it doesn't turn out the way I want it to, I know God is in control, so I shan't worry.

At all.

God knows who I am.

I'M READY TO ATTACK LIFE! :D

strength

2009-12-17T01:21:00.003+08:00

sometimes being strong means letting go.

it's time to simplify life!

a test can get real difficult. really really hard to do. but at the end of the test is a reward greater than I can imagine.

but I just hope all this is part of that reward. i HOPE. hahaha. and I'll hold on to that hope, that bright ray of sunshine, that diamond that sparkles so brilliantly in the light. Until it cannot be hoped anymore!

OR, when it comes to pass, that my hopes are fulfilled!

I like to be optimistic. i guess that's the way i am. i need something to look towards. something to keep me going.

I read in Pst Kevin Loo's devotional.. that God knows we need such 'milestones' to look to, to keep us going. that's why He gave Abraham the Promised Land to look towards, for strength and perseverance. it's like a vision from which we can derive the power to go on.

Hope makes us do silly things like that. but having faith sometimes simply means being silly, i guess.

the heart of a lion, not of a turtle. attack life now!

RAHHHHHH.

faith

2009-12-15T00:53:00.002+08:00

Sometimes while walking, you trip and stumble. But keep going. And if you break a leg, limp. If you break both legs, crawl on your hands. And if you break both hands, wriggle. Because reality to you is that you've already reached your destination. You don't know whether you will. That's when faith comes in, and knows the unknown.

What does it mean when they say 'sometimes being strong means letting go,'?

Faith, hope and love. The greatest of the three is love.

I'm taking this fall, because I know God's hands will catch me, no matter how long I'm going to fall, as long as I believe in Him.

Chinese songs are too emo, they don't do me any good! Hahaha.

Sleepy day... time to sleep.

I Believe

2009-12-10T01:17:00.008+08:00

The first day of my embarkation of a journey! It's not gonna be easy huh. But I'm gonna overcome, stand tall, and be strong! I'm gonna seek the kingdom of God first, and place Him before all things. But damn, I'm really looking forward to Christmas now. Hahaha.

Work's getting kind of tiring. Or maybe it's just the lack of sleep. Time to reorganize everything in my life.. And one thing, the kids at work all mostly nice, quiet and cute and fun, but some can be really really really irritating, in a way that makes you wanna just go boomer on them, and watch the other kids bite them to death. Left4dead2. Hahaha. I went to play it with Weilong at park lane 2 days ago, but the mall actually had a blackout and our game got cut off at map 2. Maybe it's God's way of telling me to stay away from computer games HAHAHA.

Ivan got me pink drumsticks for my birthday, which was kind of long ago. They're interesting. Hahaha. Sharyl mentioned that all my presents this year were musical stuff.. a guitar and drumsticks. I got a peculiarly cute-looking pink soft toy too.. and I was really surprised how good it felt to hug it to sleep. Soft toys are great things. They make you feel like you're loved. I think they make great gifts. They kind of carry the love from whoever gave it to you. Really, people, get a soft toy if you don't have one already. They feel so much better than bolsters hahaha.

Sometimes in life, you get caught up in things. Emotions, feelings, circumstances, whatever. It's easy for us as humans to feel limited, feel victimized, feel unfairly treated. Really really easy. And when we take the first step in that direction... it's hard to turn back. Ever went down a flight of stairs, and realize you have to go up again? You just don't feel like it. But you can. It just takes a single step upwards again, and you're on your way. It's much harder to go up than down, of course.

Okay anyway, as I was saying, sometimes you get tangled up in the world. You jostle around, try to get all that spiderweb off you, but the more you struggle, the more entangled you become. You get so increasingly frustrated. Every time you try to do something to fix the situation, it gets worse. And all that web sticks to you, and you feel like it will never go away, never get off you. I think it's times like these that we gotta have faith, and be still. We are in this world, but not of this world. The world we belong in is a different world altogether. Times like these, we gotta stand still, and pray. And by faith, a single breath will come down from God, and blow all these spider-threads away from you. You'll be freed of the webs that tied you down, stuck so stubbornly to you. And you will then, by God's grace, be free. Also, God knows every single problem you have. He doesn't just blow away most of the web, He blows away ALL of it. That's an absolute term. ALL.

But sometimes we gotta realize that God's breath is a gentle one. He blows away all the web on us, but there's a bit of web that's held within our clenched fists. That bit, He will never force you to let go of. That bit binds you down to the earth, holds you away from God. That bit doesn't stick to you at all.. it's you that chooses to stick to it. Only a pure dose of faith, coming directly from your heart, will gently unclench that tightly-held together hand of yours. But the little bit of web won't fly away from you. It's you that will fly away from it.

Spiderwebs in my life, begone! I don not the tunics made of arachnid silk, but the whole armor of God, in its glorious blue and gold! And with the silver sword that is the word of God I will cut down those threads.

I read a story just the other day,

About the way you healed the blind man, made him see

Here I stand I'm crying out to you

All I need is faith to see a miracle in me

I'm running after God. Who's coming with me? :D

to keep things alive here

2009-12-03T02:16:00.004+08:00

A post, so that my blog isn't dead. Hahaha.

A week into my job.. and things are going pretty well. Kids are still cute, but some are getting really irritating.. but they're more or less alright. Gets busy sometimes, but nothing too bad to handle. Really feel like going rollerblading when I see the kids skating so happily. Who's up for it! :D

It's just impossible to hide some things from some people, is it... that they know every single thing you think. Not everything, only God can do that, but they know ALOT. It's not a bad thing. Good, actually. To know that in the midst of all your troubles, God is with you, and with Him nothing can bring your boat down, that's the greatest peace you can have. But to also have people alongside you in that ship, fighting the storm with you... that's just nice, you know? Hahaha.

If anyone watched or is going to watch New Moon, look at Jacob. Feel how he feels. He's just a sad little victim of circumstances. Grrr. The movie's alot more different from the book, I'm told. But it's just sad to see him like that. So much pain, argh.

Growing up can sometimes be so scary. It's like entering alien country. First you're intimidated, because everything's new, you haven't seen all this before. A while later you get used to it, you don't fear it anymore. And a longer while later you learn to embrace it, appreciate it for what it is. And we grow up in phases, moving from foreign land to foreign land. Okay I just got lost within my own thoughts. But growing up isn't that scary anyway I guess. Hahaha.

Okay I'm getting real tired. Gonna try to blog more, it's kind of fun. Hahaha. Goodnight world!

glorified

2009-12-01T11:37:00.002+08:00

I keep listening to and singing to the song Glorified by Parachute Band. I don't know why, but it's just really nice to listen to.

Men's Conference is over. First ever Men's Conference in heart of God church.. and I was in it! This is gonna be something I can show off to my kids in the future man.. hahaha. I feel so privileged to have heard Pst Frazer Rowe from C3 Oxford Falls share his message. Men of God are just such great people. Every word that they speak, you listen, you write down, you repeat over and over again to yourself, and you draw all meaning and teaching out of the words, you suck it dry, until nothing is left in it. There is much power in words... and so much the more when a man of God speaks them!

I feel like I'm at a crossroad of sorts. Or maybe a staircase landing. I'm being shown the way up, and the way down. And of course, going down would be so much more easier. I can't say I'm all for going up... but that's my mind speaking, as usual. This time I want to follow my heart, I want to go up. Okay this is beginning to sound kind of cryptic. Hahaha.

Pst Lia mentioned this during her sermon:

The greatest distance in the world lies not between the North and South Pole, but instead between the head and the heart.

I'm a pretty impulsive person. I take up courses of actions that seem most satisfying to me, most sensible, most feasible. Thinking about it now... I don't think I'm a logical person, like how people always say males are like. I'm pretty... illogical, in that sense. Hahaha. Sometimes I will do one thing, and regret it moments later. And I'm not gonna say "it's just me", cuz I don't want this to be part of me at all.

I need to change. I need to decide I want to. I need to start now!

My.. this post is kind of emo isn't it. I better stop here, before I accidentally leak my deepest darkest secrets out! Heh heh heh.

happy birthday to me (3 days ago)

2009-11-29T01:23:00.002+08:00

It was my birthday 3 days ago! And can I tell you, with all honesty, this has been the best birthday I've had in 18 years. I was awake for about 21 of the 24 hours of my birthday. Tiring, but a great day. Really really great. Started off with Valerie, DingChao and Yilong coming to surprise me at my house, at 12midnight! Ended up sitting around with them till 6.30am in the morning, had a zombie-ish but good time hahaha. Then I met Clement, Jinhoe, Junyi, Chinkiong and Yilong in the evening.. a short dinner, then a LAN session. Haven't had such mindless fun at LAN in awhile. L4D2 is funny as crap hahaha.

Had dinner tonight with Bryan, Jiaqi, Sindy, Sheldon, Weilong, Ivan, Weeming, Lehung, Weesiang and Huixiang. Was a nice night, me just being my mindless self and everyone else scolding me. I think I really just spent my birthday having mindless fun. Times like that make you appreciate life yknow. Hahaha.

It's an awesome birthday because in a single day I realize how many great friends I actually have, who really care about me. It's been a phenomenal year, both in a good and a bad way. But at the end of every single day, I just tell myself I wouldn't have it any other way. God's hand is upon my life!

Nothing much to blog about my birthday though, really. It was really just mindless fun, and a lot of love being given to me.

Special thanks to Yiwen, and the others from DL4! Seriously, this is the best present I've received in my whole life, and I mean every part of what I'm saying. This is just... love. Hahaha. Yiwen's been a truly awesome friend, she's been there all the time, put up with me alot, stood by me.. thank you, Yiwen! We've still got a long walk ahead of us, let's stick together in this! Hahaha. And the same goes for all you DL4 people! Venus, for the really really pretty drawing of my name, and Ryan for the strings that sound real good, and everyone else! Sorry if I didn't mention you, but you know I love you :D come look for me and I'll give you a hug!

Perhaps birthdays are more significant than I thought they were. Jesus' birthday is huuuuuuuge in the world, isn't it. Hahaha. Birthdays are really just days where you get to see all the love that's always been around you!

Pretty tired now, been a tiring zombie-ish week. Men United conference in 8half hours, it's gonna be another life changing session! :D

ice skates!

2009-11-24T23:37:00.002+08:00

First day on the job was great. It's really an interesting job. A little boring, a little mindless, but still interesting. Helping kids wear skates all day long.. it does get boring, and some kids can be real &*^%&% but they're mostly cute and nice. Gonna be working for the next month.. but bleh, the roster for the whole month's out, and I'm gonna miss two weeks' worth of services. Blehhhhhh.

Been a tiring day. Wearing skates for kids is more tiring than you think!

Gonna go sleep now.. then turn up at school tomorrow. I hope the teachers don't kill me. It's really a waste of time... them having only two lectures a day, when we can just be done with everything if they just pack everything into 2 or 3 long days. I don't like it.

Anyway, it's not 12 midnight yet, so.. happy birthday, Pei En! I don't know whether you'll ever see this.. but you've been a great sister to me! Hahaha. 18 years old, you're a woman now, no more a girl!

Work again tomorrow. Drop by Novena Velocity if you got time, I'll say hi to you :D

i'm the boss!

2009-11-23T01:23:00.003+08:00

Yes, I was the boss for LazerTag today. Lost pretty badly. Don't ask me why... we just lost. I'll summarize the whole game experience I had.

1. Game begins.

2. Enter the maze.

3. Hear the commentator say "Ohhhh, [insert my teammate's name here] is out!"

4. Repeat step 3 four times.

5. Exit the maze, to find 4-10 guns (in the arena it doesn't feel like you're only playing against 6 people at all.. they're everywhere) being pointed at me.

6. Activate my shield until it runs out.

7. Die.

Was like that for all my games this weekend. I really really preferred the first week's mode of play.. I only enjoy shooting people, not getting shot and running around in a maze! But that's just me. Hahaha.

Was a good weekend though. Met some new people, and Pst How preached a simple and powerful message to us. I read in Pst Kevin Loo's devotional how we always look for great miracles from God around us (like the blind regaining their sight) but tend to overlook the greatest miracle that occurs: the salvation of our friends and family!

Sometimes, at certain points in life, you meet people that change the way you think and live, the way you look at the world and people. And sometimes, you meet people that change the way you view yourself. And just on that special rare occasion, you meet someone that changes the way you view God. About three months ago.. I met a person that changed me in all three ways. Today.. I met another one. It's just so amazing how things hit you unexpectedly. Right now, you're sitting there reading my blog, while your mind's elsewhere thinking of what you're gonna be doing tomorrow. You'd never expect that, for example, you'll meet the love of your life tomorrow, or undergo a life-changing experience of some sort. It's like walking and falling down. When you know you're going to fall, you don't fall entirely, you're ready for it. It's the falls we don't see coming that really hit us hard. But falling isn't a bad thing. Ah.. I'm getting lost in thought.

Been a really tiring day, I'm missing out on loads of sleep. Hahaha.

Brain's overloaded now.. what a day.

To summarize today.. I just want to love people!

alone

2009-11-22T02:57:00.002+08:00

Just got back from Bedok 85.. Was a pretty good night, plus it's yilong's birthday, say happy birthday to him if you haven't. I wonder who reads my blog anyway..

Many times, happiness is a choice we make, like lots of other things in life. To be happy, or not to be happy, it's really a very simple decision we gotta make. But something as simple as this is often complicated by ourselves.

A little boy once saw a butterfly, with wings of a rosy red. He decided to call it Rose. It was a small creature, flitting from flower to flower. He crouched down, set his mini shovel down on the floor, and wrapped his arms around his knees. Following the butterfly with his eyes.. he couldn't tell why, but it just brought a joy to him. Unknowingly, he stuck out his right arm, and unexpectedly, it flew over, and landed on his outstretched palm. He was scared of insects.. but this was different. He began to speak to the butterfly.

"Hi, what's your name?"

No reply of any sort came.

"My name is Peter."

Still no response.

Now feeling stupid, Peter decided he would just let the butterfly fly away, then head back to the beach. So he blew lightly on it. It didn't fly away.. he blew a little harder. Still it stood, on all six legs, not even moving slightly.

"Go away!"

It still didn't move.

Now Peter felt weird. He had read stories with talking animals. Perhaps the butterfly was speaking real softly, that he couldn't hear? He put his head a little closer to it. He waited for awhile.. but heard nothing.

"Stupid butterfly!"

He had such an urge to crush it in his hands. So fragile, so brittle, and it infuriated him, that it didn't talk, didn't want to budge, but still stayed on his hand. But he didn't. He looked around him.. there was no one. Then he started telling the butterfly everything. He told the butterfly how he wasn't happy. How things at home weren't good.

"Daddy doesn't like Mummy,"

"I'd get woken up at night and beaten for nothing,"

"Mummy doesn't like me,"

He told the butterfly everything. The butterfly listened to everything. As he spoke, tears started to well up in his eyes. Then they overflowed, and streamed down his cheeks in a line. He was so angry. He wanted to fly away, like how the butterfly could. He told the butterfly how he admired it, that it had wings and that it could go wherever it wanted.

He sobbed, he weeped, and the butterfly stayed ever so still.

The boy finally finished confessing his woes. He looked at the butterfly. It had such small eyes.. minute little globules it had at the top of its head. It was looking at him. They held each other in their eyes for a minute.. then it flew away. The boy looked on as it flapped it wings quickly, flitted away.. he could only continue crying.

And he cried. And cried.

And then he stopped crying. His wings folded, he never tried to fly.

Now he will soar.

exhausted

2009-11-20T02:50:00.001+08:00

having a bad headache now.. gonna go rest a little. can't think right now. ahhhh.

BREAKTHROUGH

2009-11-19T00:52:00.004+08:00

"The ominous flash of lightning momentarily illuminates the forsaken land, revealing a jet black silhouette. It loomed monstrously over the man, who seemed minuscule now in comparison with the primordial, time-forgotten beast. Looking up, however, this knight saw not the towering figure that stood in all its malevolence and power before him, but only victory. Before his gargantuan adversary could even make a move, he unsheathed his silver sword from his scabbard, and launched a barrage of slashes and stabs. He moved swiftly, his armour appearing a flurry of blue and gold. Though even light fled this fearsome place, a light, hazy glow seemed to emanate from him, as he danced his furious attack gracefully, blow by blow. Yet after much endeavour and effort he only managed to merely scratch the foot of the behemoth. At this moment he knew him alone would not suffice. He closed his eyes, and while literally at the mercy of this brutal, savage creature that stood before him, he prayed. The monster striked, yet its gigantic blood-stained cleaver was halted by his shield. He then pointed his sword high up into the heavens, and down came pillars of flame that burned right through the heart of this creature, unquenchable flames that burned with a divine ferocity. As the embers blazed before him, he stood victorious, the chevalier in blue and gold."

I feel totally on fire today. Fire. That's what I want myself to be made of. Something is stirring in my life, and in the lives of people around me. Things are being set into motion. The flames of war have begun to burn!!!

Okay maybe the last part was a little exaggerated. But there's definitely something, you can just feel it.

Discipline, it's the focus of the season.

"Clutching his silver sword in his right hand, and his shield in the left, he gave a triumphant cry to the distant horizon. It was said that this cry echoed on for miles, that people far away could hear his voice, and recognize it. Then he slumped to the ground, having defeated his enemy. He had accomplished his deed. Now he must rest, for greater trials await him, as do greater strengths."

Really really tired now. I'm gonna have to go sleep...

By the way, thanks Novel for the steamboat at your house! It was a great dinner really. But more than that, it was the company that was truly awesome!

Happy birthday Novel!

glorify!

2009-11-17T01:48:00.003+08:00

Back to school for 2 weeks. Gonna use this time to try and adjust my body clock back to normal. I'm going zombie-crazy.

Woke up real late though, and went to school real late. Hahaha. But at least there was good news.. I'm promoted to J2! It's really a burden lifted off my chest, to know that I still have a place in NYJC next year. It's not bad a place, really...

Anyway I've been thinking about which ministry in church I want to join. Basically it narrows down to Sound and Children's Church.

If any of you chuckled/sniggered/laughed, I hate you.

But yeah, I'm gonna seek God on this. It's not really about what I want. Maybe He would want me to be in Choir, I wouldn't know! :D

If any of you chuckled/sniggered/laughed at that too... words cannot describe my feelings toward you.

Progress on the guitar isn't too bad, my chords sound human now. Still a long way to go, though.

Here I come, breakthroughs!

beat it

2009-11-16T01:27:00.003+08:00

We had Pst Tan for 3 consecutive Bible study sessions today! It was pretty great, the Bible is really amazing. It's like this 24-hour hotline which God uses to speak to us at any time, anywhere. But we gotta make that call! At today's Bible study I realized how important it is to really examine each story in the Bible, and not simply read through them. The words were written by the prophets' hands.. but I think God lies in between these words, and in these words, and everywhere else.

Had a steamboat at Ryan's house! Happy birthday Ryan, hahaha. The food was great and the people were great and the music was great (my music especially) and your family was so nice and everything. I'm really glad to have met you and have you as a friend. And that applies for everyone else in DL4. And hoGc. Life is just so great now with all of you. I love all of you! <3

Public confession. Hahaha.

Faith, hope, and love. The greatest of the three is love!

I'm running out of things to blog about. My posts are getting shorter and shorter. Come on people, give me some ideas!

MEN

2009-11-15T02:15:00.003+08:00

Today's service was all about men! Just days before I turn 18. This service is gonna be a highlight of my year 2009 man. See, I used 'man'. Cool right. Hahaha.

Caught paranormal activity last night with Valerie, Julian, Weicheng, Lionel and Yilong. It was a great horror movie, not the typical cheap scares kind. The way the atmosphere builds up is just chilling.. you're literally teetering on the edge of your seat every night the camera films them sleeping. Plus it all feels so real. Go catch it if you haven't. And bring a few friends, you won't want to go home alone. Hahaha.

Anyway, service was seriously great. Being a real man is really not simple. I haven't really organized my thoughts. Maybe I'll talk about it. But really, it was just so powerful, the service. I think that at my age it's really time to start being a man.

The knight in blue and gold. If I'm gonna be a knight, I gotta first be a man!

Supper with my old friends was nice. Talked about stuff we usually talk about. Friendships don't change, but people do, I think. I feel that friendship is not a result of circumstances, emotions, chance, etc.. it's a choice. Because friendship is about love, and love is a choice per se. Anyway, the friends I had in secondary school.. I only meet them occasionally nowadays, but they remind me of how much I've changed. And I think they haven't really changed. Don't know whether it's a good or bad thing.

Thoughts are pretty disorganized tonight. I'll be blogging again tomorrow.. all the way till 25th November.

To all A Level students taking their exams now, press on! It's about halfway through, stay strong! Do your best, and God will do the rest!

Hey that rhymed. Catchy. Hahaha.

paranormal

2009-11-13T00:23:00.002+08:00

I need to blog for the next 12 days, every day. Without fail. Then Valerie will watch go watch Paranormal Activity. Why am I doing this man, blehhhhh. But alright since it's already posted here.. IT'S A PROMISE, VALERIE. HAHA.

Anyway it's been a few days since I blogged.. life's been pretty good. As usual. Although, I don't just want to stop at good. I want to make life great! Most of the time, we just go with the flow of everything. Good times, bad times, we take what's coming and go with the current. That'd be a good life. One with ups and downs. I want to break out of this current. I wanna turn my downs into ups, and my ups into.. up-ups. Life's a sea, with its fair share of calm and storms. But the boat is ours. And I'll let God be my boatman!

I don't really know what that meant. Hahaha. I'm doing this just so I get to see Valerie scream.. this isn't easy mannnnn.

Lazer tag is in 11 hours from now. I'm excited just thinking about it. Gosh. If anyone's interested in buying the gun tell me, if there are enough people we can do a mass order, cuz we got to import them from America or something. They're about $80 a gun, shipping costs included. We'll probably do it next year, if we are to do it.

I caught This Is It just 2 days ago! It was good.. but really it just felt like watching youtube clips on a big screen. Michael Jackson's great though, he's really a legend. He divided music into 'Before MJ' and 'After MJ', that's why he's a legend. And he stayed true to himself as well as others throughout his whole career, I think. He reminds me alot of the phrase 'child-like faith'

D'you know Elvis Presley is a legend too? That man is just great. Listen to his songs! I like this song 'Wooden Heart'. Go watch the video on youtube, its a black and white movie. It's just really... romantic.

I remember looking at this little baby like two weeks ago, on the bus. He was sitting on his mother's lap on the bus. At one of the stops this man came up. Pretty unfriendly-looking guy. Sat beside the mother, and after a while he started playing with the kid. It was pretty nice to see. It struck me how everyone can't stop themselves from loving a child. Perhaps it's because children don't judge. Or maybe they just remind us of the purity of heart we once had. Maybe I'll think about it some more and blog about it again. Hahaha.

Lots of times, my head gets cluttered with thoughts. I box them up (hahaha Yong Siang, the boxes in the brain thingy!) and label them, then keep them somewhere in that space between my ears. And lots of times, I lose track of which box contains what. I think I gotta upgrade my OS.

Well that's it, first of my 13 posts for the next consecutive 13 days. 13. *shudder* I need ideas, people, ideas about what to write on. Drop me a suggestion in that tagboard or something!

There's no strings upon

this love of mine,

it was always youuu from the start.

- lyrics from Elvis' Wooden Heart.

No I'm not in love I just really like these lyrics. And to my future wife: if you're reading this, you must like Elvis Presley okay, or else I, um, won''t buy you flowers next time.

nusuth

2009-11-07T00:52:00.000+08:00

silence

2009-10-30T18:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's hard to tell people some things. All truths we have is partial. But God is the whole truth. The way, the truth and the life.

Sometimes it gets maddening, when you want to tell someone something, yet you can't say it wholly. Not just because you're human, but also because you don't know it wholly yourself. Your heart screams, but a pillow smothers out that shrill, angsty sound. We start to cry, because no one hears our sorrow. We start kicking and flailing around on our beds, because emotions start to overflow, spill out of your heart, and you can contain it no longer. We throw our blanket onto the floor, because warmth now only makes us feel colder inside. It's this blanket we find ourselves wrapped up in when all our agonizing and lamenting has been done for the night.

You start to wonder where God was all this time. Was He busy working His miracles in other more important, more significant, more worthy lives than yours? Maybe you've not been holy enough to have His love?

But God was that pillow all along. And that bed. And that blanket.

God heard all our screams. He soaked up all those tears you cried, drenched himself in those tears. God felt all that kicking and flailing. He took that pain you couldn't keep in yourself anymore, and silently endured it. You threw God away, onto the floor, because His warmth.. it made you feel vulnerable, weak. Yet God still made his way back onto the bed, and wrapped His loving arms around you, so that you would wake up in His warm embrace.

I need to start living for God, and not for myself, nor others. What others think isn't what God thinks. I can't rely on others or myself anymore.

"Loving someone isn't about feelings - it's a conscious decision we make from our hearts."

Lord, today I pray for silence.

2009-10-30T02:33:00.001+08:00

Am I too needy of others sometimes?

A Public Service Announcement

2009-10-26T12:56:00.004+08:00

ATTENTION: D-lusion is moving from DREAM into REALITY. All members, please take note. To all others, we are open for registration.

"What is evil, but a web we men weave?" - Ursula K Le Guin

I really need to learn how to wake up early. No, actually I need to learn how to not sleep late. Hahaha.

To quote Richard Sanderson,

DREAMS ARE MY REALITY.

DESTINY

2009-10-26T02:48:00.002+08:00

Been a week since I last blogged. Don't got much to say..

I feel like I'm really going through a period of change.

And it's really great to know I now have friends that are gonna be by my side forever. Literally. For eternity! Hahaha. Friends I can pour my heart out to, friends who are always true to me. I thank God for putting these people in my life.

Really don't have much to say.. haven't been in a blogging mood lately.

Oh yeah, I was just reading about this woman minutes ago. Apparently she was one of the most horrible opera singers of all time. Can't remember her name.. but it was some time in the past. And people actually came to her performances just to laugh at her. She even got to perform at Carnegie Hall once, and tickets were sold out! People were paying to see her (lack of) talent, and have a good laugh about it. However, she once said to her friend,

"Some might have said I couldn't sing, but no one can say I didn't sing."

Who cares whether we can sing. Let's all just sing!

PRAYER

2009-10-18T02:44:00.003+08:00

Hi again! It's me. Woo. Yay. I'm gonna type this post half-zombie mode. And gradually progress towards full-zombification. EXTREME TIREDNESS.

Today was the second of Pastor Kong's three sermons for this week. He is such a powerful man of God. There's a great anointing in his preaching.. such a powerful man. One of the points Pst Kong preached was how Christians shouldn't seek just to excel in church, and neglect our lives outside of the church. Was really impactful for me, being a new Christian and all.. I'm gonna have to pray that I get promoted man, hahaha.

Today was OBBB! October Birthday Baby Bash (I got it right this time :D). It was all fun, games and laughter hahaha. I hope everyone had fun. You did right?! Come on. You did. Woohoo. The food was great. The decorations were great. But most of all, the people were great!

In a span of little more than a month my life has changed. For this one month plus I feel life has been more meaningful than my past 17+ years spent without knowing God. The rest of my life lies ahead of me, and I know it's gonna be a great life, for I now have the Holy Spirit in me.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

If you're reading this, thank you Barrie, Weihao, Lionel and Yuerong for coming today! It's been great having you here. Don't worry about it, everyone feels uneasy on their first time. I would know. Hahaha. Hope I'll see you guys again here! Come on you guys are celebrities now, your names are on my blog woo.

My left eye's been hurting alot recently. I don't know whether anything' wrong with it. If it doesn't get better I'm gonna have to get it checked out soon.

It's my fourth day learning the guitar. I can play Give Us Clean Hands (okay it doesn't really sound human but at least I'm getting there so shut up!). My fingers on the left hand are screaming out to me every night. And I'm using my sister's classical guitar, the fretboard is so wide, I have to stretch my fingers wiiiide to get my chords right. Argh. (Hehehe y'know friends I wouldn't mind getting an acoustic guitar for my birthday. AT ALL. HEHEHE.)

No I'm just kidding.

Actually... I'm kidding, but you can still get me the guitar.

Nah just kidding.. maybe.

Rugby training starts again this coming Tuesday. Fitness is at a disgustingly low level. I mean for me. It's going to be.. hoggible. Argh. We love you, Jamal.

D5 is such an awesome place to be in. We do everything with such passion. We sing with passion, we play with passion. We even sweep the floor with passion. But it's also a place where one can find wisdom when they seek it, guidance when they need it. And it's also so much more. It's just an awesome place, and I'm sure God put me here for a reason, as with all others that are here. It's hard to put into words.. you gotta be here to feel it. Hahaha.

I'm tired as crap right now. I'm only typing this post cuz Valerie (Wallaby) asked me to blog. It's been a great day, with Pst Kong's sermon and OBBB. Greater things have yet to come!

To recap the five things for myself...

Set your heart to seek God
Stand firm before the Lord
Trust and believe in the power of prayer
Wait for the Holy Spirit
Praise the Lord, our God!

"A man does not make his own destiny - he accepts it or denies it." - Ursula K Le Guin in one of her books

I see destiny as what we've been given by God, and fate as what we make of these gifts from Him.

And I think prayer is really such a powerful thing. Prayer can move mountains, Weicheng said in his text.

To end it off...

I still really wouldn't mind that guitar.

Oh, Happy Day!

2009-10-13T23:56:00.004+08:00

Been a crazy day. Spent 13 hours at church. I'd say it was a really well-spent 13 hours. Well, 12.5 hours. Half an hour was spent on hide-and-seek. I hate that game.

And Sharylkua never left my sight for this 12.5 hours. The only time she did was during hide-and-seek. Couldn't find anyone. I hate that game.

I think some of the most meaningful moments in life take place at the most unlikely settings. It's why we should seize every moment for what it is.

Morning powerhouse prayermeeting was real powerful. In the morning you're pretty much free of stuff bothering you in your head. Either because it's the start of a new day, or you're too tired to think.

I'm gonna have to start praying for direction. I know God has the best plan for me. And I think... the drums might just be one of the manifestations of my pursuit of personal glory. I know I want to glorify His name, but I can't rule out the possibility. But drums are only a small part of it.. I hope. Hahaha. I will have to pray.. and pray and pray.

Anyway, it's been a really great day. A very 'Oh, Happy Day'. I am so damn sleepy. I need to go sleep now.

"There are two ways to live life: you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

I hate hide-and-seek.

Majesty

2009-10-12T01:48:00.000+08:00

Okay I'm gonna try a second time to blog again.. wish me luck huh hahaha.

So.. I've been trying to learn how to play the guitar for the past two days. My fingertips are screaming, and I have no idea why my first string (the finest one) always buzzes when I play. I think I'm not pressing it down properly. Guitars are confusing. And if everything goes well I'll be able to start drum lessons within the next week.. let's hope they do go well hahaha.

Yiwen's birthday just passed. Sadly it happened to land right in the middle of exams this year. We can still celebrate it though! There's 364 more days before her next birthday! Woohoo.

I can't stop listening to Amazing Grace. If you haven't, go look up the story behind the writing of the song. It makes the song so much more impactful to listen to.

My vocabulary is deteriorating. My English is deteriorating. My brain is deteriorating. I think I should start reading books again. And smash my computer into 95385245024525 bits. Because it's making me stupider. Well, smarter, but in a stupid sense, because I get to read about loads of stupid things. Smupid computer. Smartpid. Stupart. Smapid.

I have my Chemistry papers 1 and 2 in about 6 hours. I'm gonna have to pray hard I can promote.. but if I don't I guess I'll just have to think about what to do next. Jeremiah 29:11! (Thanks SharylKUA hahaha)

My favourite writer is Ursula K Le Guin. Go read her books. They're mostly science fiction. The Left Hand Of Darkness is really really good. Science fiction isn't all fancy lasers and spaceships and aliens. Well okay it does have such things. But more than that, science fiction is representative of the future. It reflects our perceptions of the future, and thus gives us insight into our perceptions of ourselves. Le Guin's stories make you sit down and wonder what the world really is to us, among many other thoughts she brings out in you through her writing. I think books are really amazing things. Every time we finish the journey between the covers of a book we're changed on the inside, sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. The computer is really not helping me. Arghhhhh.

Now.. for everyone's most anticipated part.. THE LATEST UPDATE ON D-LUSION! Um.. there's nothing I think. Sorry to disappoint you. Hahaha. Check back next week!

I don't have much else to write.. gosh my post is boring hahaha.

DISCLAIMER

2009-10-09T12:57:00.002+08:00

THE PREVIOUS POST WASN'T TYPED BY ME. I DON'T TYPE LIKE THAT.

Anyway hello world! This is my first official post. Valcheong very kindly created a blog for me. Thanks Val! I was only joking, but I guess she wasn't hahaha.

I don't know what people type on a blog. Who's gonna read my blog?! This is scary. But since Val was so nice to create this blog for me, let's try typing something for you (whoever you are) to read huh...

Exams are almost over. I have my last two papers on this coming Monday. I have no idea whether I can make it to J2. Everyone's going crazy about promos. Exams are evil.

My mp3's bursting with songs. Apparently 8GB isn't enough for me. I thought it was.

Yiwen told me about LARPers yesterday. Go look them up. I think they're cool. Retarded, but cool nonetheless.

On Wednesday we had our Literature exam. The poems were by William Wordsworth and something something Yeats. I think they are crazy. Crazy people are all great poets.

I'm still thinking of which phone to get. Lots of people say the HTC Hero's good but lacks the hardware to support itself. And HTC stands for High Tech Computer!!! That's just dumb. Hahaha.

I found a bowl to cook noodles in last night. When my mum came back she told me she used to use that bowl for her plants.

Okay I don't think my blog's supposed to be like that. I'm just listing down what goes on in my everyday life hahaha. Let's try to 'delve into my emotional self'.

...can't think of anything.

D-lusion's going to be real! We joke about it everyday but it'll slowly burrow into our sub-consciousness and before we know it we're all going to be on stage glorifying God! Okay that sounds dumb. But I have faith in our worship leader and BVs! Hahaha.

I really have nothing to write :/

Oh speaking of write there's this store at TampinesOne called UrbanWrite. IT'S DAMN COOL it's something like Made With Love at PS but it's got nice stuff the latter doesn't have. Yiwen's taking me away from my turtle shell in the mountains woohoo.

I am getting kind of bored. Blogging's tiring. Hahaha. I'll try again next time.

Once again, thanks Valcheong! You really sacrificed for me! Hahaha.

BREAKTHROUGH.

2009-10-09T02:35:00.002+08:00

hello hey yo! this is my very first post.
:D:D:D
very excited to bloggg :P

just because....
i've went against ALL odds,
taken a step of faith against my past beliefs...
& into a new world and dimension of blogging!
whoooohoooooooo!

i'll rock your socks man people!!
just wait and seeeeeeeeee~
HAHA!